Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?Steven Wright
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
Why is the alphabet in that order Is it because of that song ... the guy who wrote that, wrote everything.
Steven Wright
Smoking cures weight problems ... eventually.
Steven Wright
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. 'We're surrounded.'
Steven Wright
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Based on Topics: Man QuotesThe struggle you see in the Republican Party today is the country club Republican versus the bowling alley Republican. Colin Powell brings us back to the country club image. He's an insider. He's a moderate.
Pete du Pont
But I have been in some very beautiful churches, then I've looked outside and seen people starving to death.
Don Van Vliet
I have always had trouble recognizing myself in the features of the intellectual playing his political role according to the screenplay that you are familiar with and whose heritage deserves to be questioned.
Jacques Derrida