. 1
GRANDMAMA
My Grandmama was cross to-day
And really rather rude:
She would not let me out to play
Until I took my food.
‘Twas horrid tapioca, and
I had to stuff it down –
I think I’ve got far more to stand
Than any boy in town.
I made a row – oh, can’t I bawl! –
And everyone looked sad. . . .
Oh, ain’t you sorry for us all
When Grandmama is BAD?
Of course she is not often so –
You must not think she is;
Sometimes she’s awful good, I know,
To me and sister Liz.
She gives us sweets and toys and books,
And does not stamp and try
To frighten us with angry looks
And silly words like “fie!”
Then Liz is quiet as any mouse,
And I do all I should. . . .
Oh, what a difference in the house
When Grandmama is GOOD!
2
GRANDPAPA
We’ve not got any faults to find
With Grandpapa, for he
Is always jolly, good and kind
To sister Liz and me.
He lets us do the things we please,
And when our Grandmama
Looks cross he gives a funny wheeze
And loudly laughs “Ha! ha!”
His head is awful bald. But, oh!
We love to watch it shine
When he has dined and sits below
The lamp and sips his wine.
It shines and shines, and when we feel
It must be tight and sore,
He rubs it with his hanky till
Behold! it shines far more!
He tells us splendid tales at night,
All out of his own head,
Till Grandmama says, ” “Tisn’t right
Young folks should be in bed !”
But Grandpapa replies, ” Dear Heart,
Your watch is surely wrong.
We’re just at the exciting part
And shan’t keep YOU up long!”
He has a trumpet. But, alas! ”
*Tis not for playing on
Like mine that’s made of shining brass
And came from Uncle John.
It helps poor Grandpapa to hear –
He’s deaf – Oh, ain’t it sad ? . . .
He always takes it from his ear
When Grandmama is bad.
Upon his knee I used to sit –
But that’s a while ago
And now ’tis Liz he takes on it –
I’m rather big you know,
And please don’t think I mind when she
Is sitting giggling there –
For Grandpapa he talks to me,
But only strokes her hair.
3
AUNT JANE
Aunt Jane has come to live with us
For two whole weeks – oh, dear!
It’s nothing but a dreadful fuss
When she is staying here.
Mama is always worried, though
She smiles a frightful lot:
She smiles when she’s with Aunt – but, oh!
She doesn’t when she’s not.
Papa is not a bit the same :
He’s almost cross – not quite,
And never plays a single game
With Liz and me at night.
Aunt seldom smiles at Liz and me,
But often frowns and stares;
And if we speak a word at tea,
It’s awful how she glares!
She’s always turning up her nose
At things we think are rare,
Or changing into different clothes,
Or doing up her hair,
Or reading silly books ’bout love
And nothing else at all,
Or putting on some powder stuff
And going out to call.
She says that Liz and me are rude,
And once she kicked our cat –
I do not think it’s any good
To have an Aunt like that!
Liz says we really ought to try
Our best to love our Aunt;
And then, in bed, Liz starts to cry –
The silly! – ’cause she can’t!
But when I lie awake at night
And think about Aunt Jane,
I long to make her yell with fright
And screech with fearful pain.
4
UNCLE WILLIAM
When Uncle William comes to tea
I always know that there will be
A ‘normous dish
O’ fine fried fish –
But none for Liz and me.
Liz says it isn’t nice or right
To always have an appetite;
She says it’s rude
To watch folks’ food
And greed for every bite.
But Liz is just a girl, and she
Is quite content with jam for tea.
She never groans
Inside her bones
Our Uncle’s feast to see.
“Oh, give the boy a bit,” said Dad,
But Mother just looks sort o’ sad.
And Uncle puffs
His breff and stuffs
The fried fish in like mad.
He hardly ever speaks at tea.
He sometimes grunts and frowns at me
Because I spy
His third supply –
Which everyone can see.
For lots o’ folks my prayers I say –
But when for HIM I try to pray
A ‘normous dish
O’ fine fried fish
Keeps coming in the way!
(John Joy Bell)
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Based on Topics: Night Poems, Sadness Poems, Pain Poems, Fathers Poems, Hair Poems, Books Poems, Wine Poems, Madness Poems, Food Poems, Jokes & Humor Poems, Tea PoemsBased on Keywords: tisn, grandpapa, breff, grandmama, hanky, tapioca