Recently, my fourteen-year-old daughter lost her father in what I consider a
senseless motorcycle accident. I was very angry with him for leaving her so
young, and for all the shared moments that he cheated her out of by dying
this way. My daughter's pain and grief had affected her academic
accomplishments and I was struggling with this.
So that night, I had a dream. He appeared to me in a way that was of
comfort to me. He wore jeans, a tee-shirt and a ball cap. We talked about
our daughter. I asked him if he knew that our daughter was failing her main
classes as school. He looked at me and said "Yes, I know, and they will
get better." As I sat there looking at him, I struggled with what to say.
He then told me, "I want you to know that I am very proud of our daughter
and that I love her very much." With tears in my eyes, I reached for him
and hugged him with all my might. At that moment, I told him that I missed
him in this lifetime. Finally, I let go of him and he reached for my hand
and asked me "Are you ready to find peace now?" I was very overwhelmed at
his request and replied "I am too busy, right now". He then asked me again.
I then woke up sobbing uncontrollably.
Needless to say, I realized that in the midst of all my anger, I had this
dream. The man who left his physical existence is not the spirit I felt in
my dream. So I find that I have to somehow find peace in the midst of the
"mess" he left behind and work through each and every day in search of
peace. I know that this is where I must go and what I must be. Most of my
anger is gone now and I continue to search for what is most
important -- peace -- not only for myself, but for my daughter. Everything I
do I put in God's hands now.
